This photo that I took on April of 2012 seemed appropriate for this particular post.

Asleep by The Smiths has been on repeat for more than a handful of minutes. Why does melancholy seem so majestic in melodies? In every note, in every heartrending do re mi, in every vestige of sound that reaches my foreboding ears, I am carried away into a breathtaking multiverse where bliss has become nonexistent and sorrow has turned mundane.

Pretense has been my favorite method to cope with the distress and the harrowing insignificance of my life. Bottling my emotions has turned into a means of escape from a world where every second of laughter and smiles seemed cumbersome and plagued and deceitful. Submitting myself into the pool of thoughts where in every letter, every word, every sentence, every paragraph I pour out in an empty space in the worldwide web has become my only comfort. 

I could talk and sound nonsensical. I could listen and become caught up in a web of ennui. I could stay away and become swathed in paroxysms of loneliness, of emptiness, of indifference. I can no longer feel human when all I could ever express are raging thoughts and pensive words. In fact, I no longer feel human at all.

I wrote this on December 17, 2011 - almost five years ago. I'm writing this very sentence with my heart filled with contentment, love and joy. It gets so much better. Never lose hope. 

A couple of weeks back, I stumbled across Lasa, a Filipino fusion restaurant, on Yelp. As someone who is Filipina and deeply engraved in her culture, I'm always on the lookout for delicious and high-quality Filipino restaurants in the Los Angeles. Fortunately for me, my boyfriend and I have almost the exact same taste in food, and he was down to try Lasa out.

Situated in a plaza in Chinatown, parking was relatively easy to find and we ended up walking to the actual building. When we got there, however, we were pretty disoriented to find an ongoing burger + art show featuring artworks by the makers of Bob's Burgers. We initially thought that we might have been misguided by Yelp. However, due to boyfriend's suggestion to call the actual restaurant, we found out that Lasa is in that very vicinity! Yay!

The interior is cozy and warm. It even boasted a couch seating for diners near the entrance. Our host immediately sat us down though it did take a while for our waiter to approach us. We were there immediately after it opened so there was only one other couple. However, after about an hour, it definitely became more packed.

We ordered the Adobo Peanuts, "Pancit", Red Snapper Kinilaw, Lumpiang Sariwa and Kesong Puti Fritters. They had a pre-fix menu for $40/head. However, since we are pescetarians, we couldn't really eat the entree they were going to serve. Our waiter took the time to explain everything we had, and while some people might appreciate that, I really prefer my waiters to be more personable and less loquacious about the menu. I mean, we were hungry and he practically spent all of five minutes explaining the menu to us.

The food arrived after nearly twenty minutes, which isn't necessarily a good thing. However, we forgive a lot of things for really good food. Once our food was served, the waiter took another five minutes to explain everything that we've gotten.

From left to right: Pancit, Red Snapper Kinilaw and Adobo Peanuts

We already knew that the taste would be nothing like the typical Filipino versions. The "Pancit", with its egg noodle, calamansi butter, scallions and fish sauce cured egg yolk, was delicious and multidimensional. I did feel it was less savory than I preferred. This dish was boyfriend's favorite. The Red Snapper Kinilaw, showcasing watermelon radish, red snapper, calamansi Kosho, asian pear and fish sauce-vinegar sauce, was my favorite out of all the three appetizers. It was just tasty and although it wasn't quite what I expected it to taste like, it was well-balanced and satisfied my palate well. The adobo peanuts were definitely reminiscent of adobo and I liked how they integrated the taste with the crunchiness.

Fresh Lumpia

The fresh lumpia, with Brown Rice Flour Crepe, Roasted Cauliflower, Black Kale, Shaved Cabbage and Peanut Soy Vinegar, was boyfriend's favorite out of all the dishes. I, on the other hand, still gravitated towards the kinilaw. While the Fresh Lumpia was better than the typical Fresh Lumpia I've had in my lifetime, it didn't quite cut it for me. It was delicious, sure, but I like my lumpia savory and oozing with flavor. It was a refreshing entree but it wasn't quite as filling as I wanted it to be.

For dessert, we got the Kesong Puti Fritters, which had the Muscovado Cream Glaze and some delicious persimmon compote. The "fritters" resembled donut holes and based on the waiter's description, it should have had some kesong puti inside. However, none of our fritters did. The only reason I still enjoyed the dessert was because the persimmon compote was extremely delectable and satisfying. That was one dessert I did not feel guilty immediately after.

Are we going to go back? Definitely - even with the long drive. The waiter mentioned that they tend to rotate the menu based on what's fresh and in season. However, it's not the type of food or taste I will have a regular hankering for. 

The holiday season is just around the corner, and everyone's busy with gifts, decors, preparation for delicious food and the barrage of parties that come with it. Don't get me wrong - I like parties! The only difference is that for introverts like me, parties, even intimate ones, feel exhausting after a couple of hours. So if you have an introvert in your life, here are a few tips to make the holiday season less insufferable and more tolerable for them:

• For the love of all things cozy, please don't show up at our place unannounced. I get it, the air is teeming with a partying frenzy that feels too cumbersome to ignore, and you know we love your company. However, the holiday season is high-time for social gatherings, and more often than not, we really just want our own company. At least while we recharge.

• Parties are fun, and holiday parties seem even more so. But don't be surprised if your introvert turns down some of your party invites. Believe me when I say that this is not some personal vendetta against you, and it's definitely not something we do to decisively offend you. This is one of those moments when the phrase "It's not you, it's me" rings true. It's not that we don't want to hang out with you. It's that we don't want to hang out with you and fifty other people we barely know who may or may not vomit on our shoes.

• I don't know about other introverts but my personal limit for socialization is 2-5 hours, depending on the circumstances. So please don't take it against us if we slip out earlier than most people. Again, "It's not you, it's me". We might miss all the fun, but our favorite parties are usually a ménage à trois between us, a good book and a cup of hot tea. Besides, that just means you can hang out with more people! Win-win!

• You know those people who manage to find 5-10 minutes of alone time during parties? They're usually the ones taking too long in the bathroom, offering to walk the dog or suddenly wanting some fresh air. I'm one of those people, and yes, we're introverts in that even a few, precious moments by ourselves can rejuvenate us for parties. So please allow us our minutes of tranquility.

• If you're the host, allow your introverts to bring a plus one. If your introvert is headed to an obligatory party, offer to be his/her plus one. Like a good bra, life is just a little better with amazing support. 

There you have it folks - some kind deeds towards your introvert straight from a self-dubbed introvert's mouth. I hope this season treats you well!

I recently went on a social media hiatus after what felt like an overwhelming time of browsing online. What with the elections looming overhead, casting a shadow of gloom and doom, it felt easier and smarter to withdraw, rejuvenate and find myself again. And like all new things, I came out of the hiatus with lessons and epiphanies, which I will be sharing today:

1. I spend way too much time online. I realized I spend AT LEAST 3-5 hours online and that wasn't even hours spent on imbibing current events and information. I did not count the time I spent reading news, informative articles or listening to TED talk podcasts. It was just useless and mindless wandering on the internet that I could have easily done without. On my hiatus, I found myself not knowing what to do with the extra time I suddenly had. So I read books, learned how to speak basic phrases in French, did more meditations and practiced more yoga moves. It was definitely a productive month for me.
2. The world, and consequently the people around me, needs more attention. The thing about social media is that at its best, it's a virtual image of the world around me. At its worst, it's a distraction from the beauty you can only see when you observe what the world has to offer. While on a social media hiatus, I noticed beautiful sceneries more, became more sensitive to people's needs and just overall became more appreciative of the life I live. It's easy to be distracted by the barrage of information and likes, but when you look back, it's not online assurance you remember. It's the memories, the people and how you felt. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what matters.
3. Social media is a cesspool of low self-esteem. Seriously, it's weird how we're still constantly comparing ourselves to other people online when we know and they know and everyone with an IQ of at least 1 knows - NO ONE IS PERFECT. The highly curated, meticulously planned and feverishly organized social media content doesn't change that fact. While on my social media hiatus, I've spent more time looking into myself instead of outwards. I stopped comparing myself to other people, read more about improving myself and practiced it to no end. I liked the break from all the online noise, focusing only on myself, what I felt and what I could offer. It rejuvenated me, and I'm happier.

I wouldn't put it past myself to dive right back into another social media hiatus. Taking a step back felt amazing, and if it helps me deal with life better, a hundred likes won't make me stay.

Catching the sunrise is always one of my favorite things, and I never realized how the rising sun creates an aura of somberness & petulant optimism until seeing the sun rise in such a metropolis. Waking up earlier has led me to healthier habits, which include a more regular meditation habit or doing at least a few yoga moves in the morning. Waking up earlier is also helping me focus on what I need to do, and has helped me find more reasons to live for. Have you tried to catch dawn at least once in your life? If not, you totally should. 

Over the weekend, boyfriend and I hiked to Griffith Park. We've decided to hike more regularly, especially since it's less hot in the winter. It's more difficult for me to work out in the winter just because it's colder and it's so much more tempting to cozy in with a soft comforter & sip hot chocolate. Hopefully, our regular hiking treks will help me stay in shape throughout the season of food.

I've posted about Moto Sushi before but when we came back this Sunday to celebrate being together for 26 months now but DAMN. As two, self-appointed sushi snobs, every single piece of nigiri blew us away. We ordered salmon (both regular & New Zealand salmon), yellow tail, two different preparations of red snapper, monkfish liver, uni, unagi & bluefin tuna. ALL OF THEM HAD FRESH WASABI AND I DIED.

I reiterate - every.single.nigiri.was.AMAZING. First world problems, we had difficulty choosing the last piece of sushi to imbibe upon. It's been our tradition to choose the best sushi as the last thing to eat in order to make the flavor in our mouth last longer.

For the most part, we've both chosen uni. Last Sunday was an exception because we chose the bluefin tuna. Fitting, I know, especially since the bluefin tuna had gold flakes on it. Yep, you read that right. It was such a satisfying dinner and while it was pricier than our usual sushi restaurants, it was oh-so-worth it. Rest assured, this is our monthly go-to now.

Dear sunsets,

I don't know how you do it but you never fail to evoke awe from me. Just when I think I've seen the best of sunsets, you pull the rug beneath my feet and I'm head over heels all over again.

Dear El Morfi Grill's tiramisu,
You make me cheat on healthy eating but you taste so damn good. More often than not, it's worth it.

Dear Maria of Maria's Signature Massage,
Your magical hands have taken care of my tense muscles, knots and trigger points. You've been such a wonderful answer to my anxiety & stress, and I can't wait to see you next month!

Dear Halloween candy,

I hope you don't tempt me next year as much, if not more, as you did this year. Maybe then I won't eat two bags worth of you.

Dear Mike & Sully pumpkins that my coworker made for our company's pumpkin carving contest,

You are the most adorable pumpkins I've seen. You're one of the reasons why Halloween was such an enjoyable experience this year!

Dear Autumn,

Even though you make it a bit more difficult to work out, the scarves, soft sweaters, warm coats and mugs of hot chocolate & tea make it more than worth it.

P.S. Please make the orange leaves appear earlier than usual this year!

P.P.S. I hope you don't end as quickly as you come!

Dear depression,

You're not going to beat me this season. I'm taking care of myself and too many people give me reasons to be grateful for so I can't let you win.

Dear social media,
I didn't think I would be live so wonderfully AND feel happier without you. 

Dear lavender candle,

You make my evenings so much more delightful than it usually is.

Dear boyfriend,

It's still insane to me how you figure out that I'd like particular Star Trek characters before I even know who they are. It scares me how you know me so well sometimes, but I love how that never stopped you from listening to my silly rants and vents. One of the many reasons why I love you. :)

Dear Christmas Songs,

I'm too excited to hear you while walking on the streets again. Too excited, in fact, that I've started listening to you today. No time is too early to get into the Christmas spirit!

Dear Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle,

You're not quite what I expected you would be. I am very entertained anyway. I can see why my boyfriend loves you.

Dear Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,

I can't believe you've made me cry twice in one month, and all in season one. I'm not lying when I say, I've judged you too harshly from the get go and you've definitely made me regret it. I always look forward to watching more episodes!

Best of love,

Jane

**Post is inspired Naomi, whose blog I've followed since I started blogging on blogspot in 2009.

Tête-à-tête (tāt ə ˈtāt,ˌtet ə ˈtet)

     noun 1. a private conversation between two people.

The Tête-à-tête series is yet another attempt of pursuing something creative in the hopes that looking through life filled with constant wonder and amazement - for its beauty and grime, rawness and surrealism - could evoke inspiration and hope for future Jane.

I named it Tête-à-tête to symbolize two things: 1.) Two forms of media that I love and the wonderful stories they weave together. 2.) Two people - the writer and the reader - sharing secrets and experiences between the lines of a short story, an essay or in this instance, a poem. This series will feature photographs of things I find alluring, and a form of spontaneous and usually unedited literature of my own making.

You think it's easier to live when disappointment
can't come sprawling between your toes, and failure
can't sprout from the soil underneath your feet.
So you suffocate the hope tied on your ankles, and
extinguish the flames of fervor burning in your chest.

You wake up hoping to view life by the sidelines,
as if the photographs you took at 2:46am could
mask the empty films scattered on your sheets.
You forget that your worth is not a currency
other people can buy & control at their whim.
You forget that every inhale your lungs make is of
hope, of silver linings, and of better things to come.

You need to start filling the holes you've dug
in your ivory bones with kind words instead of
criticisms. You need to look at your scars and
see them for what they are: humanity,
experience, history and grace.

There's a difference between humility and
carving flesh out of your ribs until you're
left with the remnants of compliments you
felt you were unworthy of.
You can't keep exsanguinating your veins,
hoping to find more, when there's nothing
left to save.

Darling, there's nothing worth with cowering
in the darkness for a little while - even beautiful
sunsets acquiesce to evenings.
But you need to rise again. It is only then that
you begin to find yourself. It is only then that
you discover, you are living.

- 10/19/16